Friday, December 26, 2008

I Couldn't Write, and Didn't Feel Like it Anyway

When we last spoke, I was signing off of the computer to write some Christmas cards.

It took me awhile, okay?

No, honestly, for the first time in my adult life, I actually got all of the cards designed, printed, signed and mailed by the second week of Advent.

But then my computer stopped working. Doesn't load up. Gone completely kaput. I have torn the house apart, but I cannot find the system disks to reinstall windows. Of course this is not surprising given that I have had not needed them once in the seven years I've owned the machine, and we have moved twice in the interim. No computer (obviously) means no blogging, no email, no online newspaper reading, and no catching up on friends' stories.

I have had intermittent access to my husband's work laptop, but haven't posted.

That is because I didn't know what to say.

How do you catch up on a month's worth of updates, especially when that month is December?

Especially when it has been such a tough December.

It all started when mr warillever's cousin had a freak accident and died suddenly. No warning, nothing. Gone. I'll put this one on my list of questions for Jesus if I ever get to heaven...how does such a good person, a father of four, just go -- poof -- without any discernible reason?

While we were out of town for the funeral, an ice storm hit our region. We (along with 500,00 other families in the state) were left without power. Living without lights, computer, and television was refreshing, but without heat in single digit temperatures? Not so nice. Fortunately we have a woodstove and town water -- others (including my sister) were without water for the duration of the outage. Our power was restored in just under three days, just as the temperatures started rising above freezing. My sisters and mr warillever's brother were in the dark for nearly a week.

Then the woman I teach religious education with died. This death wasn't quite as sudden -- she was diagnosed with cancer three years ago -- but it was no less tragic. I was just getting to know her, and am in infinite awe with her unshakable faith in Jesus. Of course this leaves me with yet another question for God -- why would You take a mother away from a 5-year-old boy? Such a faithful, strong, person. Gone.

I have yet to process the grief that two of mr warillever's siblings have been experiencing this Christmas; his sister E's friend died after a long battle with cancer a few days ago and his brother 7's friend fell suddenly ill and has been in a medically-induced coma ever since. [She has died since I drafted this post.]

The long and short of it is that I just haven't felt like writing. I am a naturally positive person, and to be in a funk as Christmas approached was, well, depressing.

Fortunately, the joy of Christmas is infectious. The miracle of our Savior's birth managed to eclipse all of the temporal worries. And the kids, in their holiday excitement, kept me going. We kept up with our Advent reading (more on that later), made pomanders, braided salt dough candy canes, and baked batches and batches of cookies. We baked a birthday cake for Jesus, sang Christmas carols, and watched classics like The Grinch and Christmas Eve on Sesame Street.

There have been some other light moments -- Teresa was born, I got back in touch with two people I hadn't heard from in years, and brought the kids to visit some of my aunts and uncles. I also joined Facebook, chatted with an old friend, and played endless games of Connect4 with my daughter.

And I'm writing again.

1 comment:

Kate in NJ said...

((BIG HUGS))My Friend.
I am sorry you have been dealing with so much
sadness lately. I am hoping the birth
of that beautiful babe is just the beginning of the changing tide.